I’ve been so emotional lately it’s actually taking a toll on things. I want to be happy but it’s hard when bad things are happening all the time. My friend just passed away and it’s really got me thinking about every aspect of my life. I just feel sad. and I don’t know how to move forward not feeling it. I try occupying myself with other things but I find myself dozing off just thinking about her. Every part of her. Every conversation, every memory and it’s painful. Because we’re so alike. I called her my twin so much because a lot of her emotions and how she felt were so simular to my own. We tend to put on a happy face and always are trying to cheer others up. Always there for others but when it comes to ourselves it’s harder to keep positive. It’s easier to be optimistic for others. We both front in the eyes of the public. Not so much acting fake or anything just stayin positive and looking positive, then go home and it all comes at us, all our thoughts, the lonely feeling. The feelings..
I don’t know. I just.. I get thoughts. I think too much. It gets the best of me. It got the best of her. And I just wanna cry so badly now but I already cried so much last night and I struggle with letting out my feelings. I’m good at holding it all in. I can type how I feel.. sure. But I can’t truly express how I feel with words. Not to a persons face. I can’t cry in front of people either. So it’s back to waiting til I get home.. til I’m alone in my room.. just crying. Wishing I could have helped her, changed things for her. She was always there for me and always knew how to make me laugh. We have the same humor, sarcasm and felt a lot of the same ways about certain situations and things. Both have issues with depression and emotions. I don’t know. I just gotta get all this out somewhere… :(